Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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