I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
