someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
