you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
bring money and cleavage
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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