like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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