does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
