Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
