I wish I only lived at night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i came on her dog
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
