how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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