i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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