did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
