oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think my moral compass just broke
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
