I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
