Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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