Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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