dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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