I wannas sexs uuuuu
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
