It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
