She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
