I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
