Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
