Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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