we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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