I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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