Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
