im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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