she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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