your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
