i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
