I wish life had little blips of pornography
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
