How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
