just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
