We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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