the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love you. Go after that dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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