I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ruined the universe
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
