so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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