why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
