there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
