Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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