You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
