i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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