Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
