I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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