Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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