Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
