I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
