and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
