i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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