well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
