I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
