in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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