hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize