Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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