I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
