You're my little dorito
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
