Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
