Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
