Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
