First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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