Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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