the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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