There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
