I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's blow job season.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
