New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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