you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
