Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
