the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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