The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
