Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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