I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
