Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
