Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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