Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i love accidental penises.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you had me at cake vodka
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
