My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
