decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
